AMPHISBAENA

AMPHISBAENA are completely mundane and natural creatures. their two-headed nature was evolved to allow for more trickery with the hunting of their preferred prey-the mouse. a mouse expects a single fanged head of a serpent, but when there are two it isn't able to leave its burrow without being bitten. a good and valuable adaptation for a predator.

Amphisbaena are creatures sacred to Jujuvinia, Ahjaxian saint of poison, innocent assassins, and small knives. many say that they were crafted by the saint herself, from discarded snakeskin, four slivers of glass, and other holy materials. Holy followers of Jujuvinia are able to create their own amphisbaena using her techniques, but they are never quite right.

amphisbaena were made long ago by the elves, to be used in weirdly complex assassination attempts. that's why they can stiffen into a rod, poisoned fangs at either end. they were made to be living daggers. how and why they are no longer in use by the elfin murderers is a mystery.

Amphisbaena are completely mundane and natural creatures. their second head is, in reality, a FALSE head, evolved only as a ruse for much larger and more dangerous predators. it cannot bite, and if it is cut off it will regrow within a few days.

Amphisbaena are a metaphor for the nature of lizard people. they have two heads because the people of the world have two sides to their personality; a side that they show the world and a side that they show none. Some more confusing philosophers claim that there are actually three or even four sides to a personality, and thus there are three or four-headed amphisbaena.

amphisbaena are a kind of serpentine animal spirit, who serve any number of reptilian snake-gods. you can find them squirming through the mud and dirt of the spirit forest.

If you cut an amphisbaena in half, it will split off into two normal snakes.

If you cut an amphisbaena in half, it will die just like any other beast or serpent.

Amphisbaena and Hoop Snakes are connected in some way. maybe amphisbaena are what hoop snakes grow up into?

there is a subspecies of Winged Amphisbaena that you can find in The Southlands. the Crocmen talk of how much they love hunting it, and everybody can trust the Crocmen!

amphisbaena are creatures associated with the Allied Pantheon. their two-headed forms mirror the neverending and always changing cycle of everything. followers of those gods claim no connection to them, but nobody can trust them (the high council of the concordance of Ahjax says so!)

Amphisbaena are a kind of alien demon, who take a more mundane form to watch us. if you hear a clicking and whirring when in the woods, you are being watched by the camera-eyes of these two-headed serpents.

INTERESTING INFORMATIONS regarding MY SETTING

THE FOLLOWING IS A COLLECTION OF INFORMATION ABOUT MY MAIN SETTING THAT I AM COLLECTING HERE SO I DONT FORGET IT

Dwarfs
Dwarfs are from dwarfland (also known as Duergar, The Construction, the Manufactory). dwarfland is a world marred by industry, construction, and art. this is because Dwarfs are obsessed with one thing and one thing only: making stuff. They never aren't making stuff. dwarfish ethnicities/cultures/whatever you want to call them are known by what they make stuff with, for example

1. The Dwarfs of Wood and Wine
2. The Dwarfs of Flame and Steel
3. The Dwarfs of Sand and Bone
4. The Dwarfs of Meat and Skin
5. The Dwarfs of Electricity and Glass

Dwarfs do not reproduce they do not have genitals. those dwarfs that are skilled enough to makee other dwarfs are called MOTHERS. dwarfs are usually too busy making things to have gender, and so they are all agender. only those dwarfs that stop making things identify as any sort of gender.

SOMETIMES something weird happens to a dwarf. they lose their obsession with crafting and manufacture, and get a new obsession: DESTROYING THINGS. these corrupted dwarfs are called DEROS and can also be found in dwarfland. they are also too busy for gender, but instead are too busy destroying stuff. they will never make anything unless it is to a) destroy it or b) to help destroy something else. sometimes a DEros will search out the building materials of their dwarfish culture more than other materials, but they are happy to destroy anything

GHOSTWORLD is not the afterlife. there is no afterlife, without the use of powerful necromancy. GHostworld does have dead things in it. it is unclear if these are the actual dead thing they claim to be, or if they are just really good at lying. Ghosts that exist for longer become more monstrous and weird. Ghosts haunt our world to get power. the more power they get the more monstrous and weird and BIG they become. ghosts never die, they are only banished back to the ghostworld and will eventually come back to a) wreck vengeance and b) grow more power. Ghosts never forget anything

The Calendar is a circle. there are 4 seasons on it (springtime, summertime, autumntime, and wintertime). there are 13 months on it (3 in springtime, 4 in summertime (the lizard people really like summer (also they might all die without this longer heat period), 3 in autumntime, and 3 in wintertime). there is a leap year every 5 years (leap years cause the midsummer month to be 32 days long, rather than 31 days). The new years day (The Beginening) is the first day of springtime.

The Lizard People HATE wintertime. they cant have kids, they cant grow or hunt food, they cant even really leave their houses without special coats and heatpads and whatnot. this is because they are lizards. they also hate wintertime because it seems that MAMMALS are more powerful during it. the lizard people are incredibly weakened, but those disgusting mammals just keep on going, unhindered by the cold because of their fur and fat and warm blood. terrible violent Orca raids are more common during the winter months.

The game i will soon be playing in this setting happens in a certain region. here are some country descriptions for a handful of the nations that can be found in this region

• THE CITY-STATE OF KARM: very industrial and small nation-state, government watches all actions done, but isn't too harsh with punishments. mysterious waste dumping facilities are inhabited by weird creatures and esoterically-thinking directors
• POINT UNPLEASANT: very controlling and authoritarian dictatorship, very arid and just generally unpleasant. the government is hiding many secrets
• THE IMPERIUM OF HYBERIA: empire currently in a renaissance. filled with new marvels of pre-industrial engineering, even miraculous personal vehicles! what powers all these devices?
• THE WIZARD COURTS (of Xigzaea and of Xigzuu): two twin nations, owned by rival sibling wizards who hired extradimensional weirdos, freaks, and mercenaries to help them destroy the other wizards
• DRAUGR: immense empire of the undead to the north
• THE NATION OF ATH: athiest country, killed their god and now live within it

VAMPIRES

vampires are made from a living being "infected" with a semi-intelligent black ichor/ooze, known as CONCENTRATED VAMPIRISM. this slime replaces all of their blood, and gives them weird weaknesses and maybe a handful of powers. there are many different strains of the plague, but all of them make the body nigh-immune to pain and damage. The different strains of the vampire ooze all have extremely different weaknesses and powers (examples will be present in an upcoming post of random generators). anything can become a vampire. unintelligent animal vampires are known as CHUPACABRAS. Vampires do not necessarily have to consume blood, but they are compelled to eat meat and blood, and they must introduce the slime into the bloodstream to reproduce. 

DEVILS

DEMON is a general term for "weird thing from somewhere i am not familiar with". these include space aliens, wizard creations, extradimensional weirdos, members of other species, and Those People with the Weird Beliefs from Over the Mountain. DEVILS are a specific kind of creature. devils are from Hell. hell is not the afterlife. You can get to hell by just digging really, really deep. Hell is a a weird pocket dimension that can be accessed from anywhere in the universe by digging very deep. devils live here, and come in a monstrous and terrifyingly weird spread of variation (devil generator forthcomingg). Devils have no concept of mortality or impermanence, as they are all always reborn if they are ever destroyed. almost all things in hell is a living Devil, and most Devils are intelligent enough to speak.

THERE IS MORE THAT WILL COME i might make general posts like this to help me remember, there will be more extravagant posts however

3 Weird Wizard Whatsits

Magic is really weird and inconsistent. That's the only thing consistent about it. So here's some strange stuff involving sorcerers (also maybe clerics).

Random Magical Mishaps
Sometimes something bad happens when a wizard is around. Maybe their spell misfired, or you disrupted their weird arcane dreams, or the fabric of space-time or occult hoo-ha is just weird and broken when they are around. Whatever the reason, simply roll 1d30 on the following table.
Magical Mishaps

1. Everybody switches teeth (they fall out and are replaced by the teeth of one other creature)
2. A flash of light of some bright color (usually purple or orange) blinds everyone in the vicinity
3. Someone is replaced by a shape-shifter (50% chance of not having knowledge of being a shape-shifter)
4. The room smells disgusting. It has become filled with the powerful pheromone of some random monster, and there is a high chance that large amounts of that monster will appear.
5. Someone loses their voice. They regain it after a few days, but cannot speak in any languages they knew originally ever again. They can still read those languages.
6. The wizard's spellbook grows legs or wings or a foot and crawls/flies/hops away (if they are a natural magic-user (such as an elf or sorcerer), then one of their organs does this (90% chance of being non-vital)
7. One random spell known by the wizard occurs, but at double effect
8. Someone vomits up a black slug and loses all memories except for basic knowledge (such as how to speak and write). If someone eats the slug, they gain all of that person's memories.
9. A mouth appears in the air, demanding it be fed. You must either feed it 1d4 magic items or 4d6x10 sp (or gp is using gold standard) worth of items or coinage
10. The area becomes overrun with ants
11. One random spell known by the wizard occurs, but at double effect
12. Someone dies. A baby version of themselves crawls out of the corpse, with lesser physical capabilities but identical mental capabilities
13. Any unintelligent animals in the area become intelligent
14. Something crawls out of space-time, in addition to the spell. Generate a random monster (the LotFP summon spell is pretty good)
15. Anything that is a specific color stops existing, and never has. Only the party knows that it ever existed (alternatively, only the wizard)
16. One random creature around gets the ability to cast one of the wizard's spells once per day. The wizard loses it
17. Lightning strikes (even if indoors or underground). The wizard has been split in two, but will regenerate into two new identical wizards in a few days
18. All clothing in the area becomes mobile and sentient
19. The area is now an opposite magic area. All magical effects have the opposite effect now
20. All of your food spoils. You can still eat it, but it tastes horrible
21. One random town or settlement nearby becomes a ghost-town. People will talk about things that happened there as if they were ages ago
22. Someone's hand falls off and crawls away
23. The next time you go to sleep, a huge rainbow centipede will crawl from the nearest window. It is your servant, but only while you cannot see it
24. The sun stops rising
25. You are all teleported to somewhere random (alternatively, only one person is teleported, or everyone is teleported somewhere different)
26. Game jumps ahead to d10 hours from now. You will have no memory, but stuff will still have happened (players have done stuff, but they do not remember it)
27. It rains some unnatural fluid (usually blood or bile, sometimes tears, sometimes something really weird)
28. Someone begins to turn into a tree
29. Whatever spell you tried to cast, or the last spell that you casted, now does not exist at all. Only a few people, such as fourth-wall breakers or certain gods will be able to cast it.
30. Some powerful demon appears. It is your servant, but it hates you and is always trying to kill you

The Failed Wizard

A magic-using class for Lamentations of the Flame Princess

Hit Dice: d4

Attack Bonus: 1/2 level, rounded down

Saving Throws: as Magic-User

Experience to Level 2: 2,200

This is a class that uses and abuses the magical mishap table above. They are those students of the arcane arts that never quite got it, or didn't study enough, or didn't get enough sleep. They can't cast spells per se, but they are almost able to.

Failed Wizards have the following class features:

• Beginning at level 1, you can roll on the magical mishaps table, or any other magical mishaps table, once per day. Every level, the number of times you can roll on the table increases by 1.
• At level 1, you roll 1d4 on the table. At levels 3, 5, 7, 9, etc., you can increase the die size used by 1 (d4 to d6, d6 to d8, d8 to d10, d10 to d12, d12 to d14, etc.)
• Alternatively, you can learn a spell of a level that an MU of a level 4 levels below yours can know (level 1 at level 5, level 2 at level 7, level 3 at level 9, etc.) The number of times these can be cast is always static, remaining at one per day.
• If you wish, you can apply your level to the magical mishap roll.
• Failed Wizards do not use material components for spells, and are always considered natural magic-users

This class is probably very unbalanced, simply because the magical mishap table is very unbalanced, but who cares? If you like very balanced and ordered classes, do not use this class.

The Witch Watcher

An anti-wizard monster made by wizards, to catch wizards

HD: 1-1

AC: 18 (can only be attacked by non-magical weapons)

Attacks: 0

Damage: n/a

Movement: 100'

Intellect: 8-15

Morale: 12

Witch watchers are floating monstrosities created by royal magicians to assist in the witch hunts done by knights. They will be usually be found in the company of knights, but there are plenty who have become lost and wander the wilderness. They look like huge floating jellyfish, but they are always decked out with strong silver armor, decorated with leering faces and anti-magic sigils. If a witch watcher is ever found without its armor, then its AC is 13 and it can be effected by magic and magical weapons. When a witch watcher sees someone or something that has used magic of any sort within the last week, it will float to them and issue forth loud noises that sound like screams, alerting any knights in the vicinity. They do detect clerical miracles, and so licenses are issued to priests so as to not be imprisoned. If they are without a knight, then monsters in the vicinity will be alerted. Any magic used in their presence fizzles away (MU spells are automatically replaced with magical mishaps, and clerical miracles are made at -6 penalty).