Elementals

Summon Elemental Spirit
Level 1 Magic-User spell
The sorcerer can call forth the basal elemental spirit of some aspect of reality, the pure manifestation of a material or concept. This spell is technically many spells in one, for the higher the level of the elemental which is wished to be summoned the higher the level of the spell. For every elemental spirit, the magician must have access to at least 1 significant item slot's worth of the corresponding material or, if the "material" is immaterial, it must be present at the time of casting. All elemental spirits have similar stats, increasing with the level of the spirit.

Elemental Spirit
Hit Dice: equal to level (with some exceptions)
Armor: varies
Attack: 1, bonus equal to level, 1d6-1d12 damage
Saves: 9+level for all save categories, might vary
Morale: 12
Alignment: Neutral

Coagulate
Material: Blood
Level: 2
The Coagulate is a spirit of blood, in the form of a serpentine tower of thick red fluid. It is crawling with small worms that bulge through the skin, and on its tip the Coagulate has a leech-like mouth. Coagulates have a POISON save of 15, and a DODGE save of 13, but all other save types are as normal. Its attack is a bite attack which deals 1d6 damage, with a chance of it transferring its vein worms into the body of its victim on a failed POISON save. Coagulates can heal themselves by dealing damage to organic enemies with blood (so not robots, undead, plants, golems, or other spirits).

Angel of Dust
Material: Dust
Level: 8
Angels of Dust are spindly things made entirely of the dander and particles which accumulate in uncleaned places. Their eyes are paper cut-outs, jarring on their otherwise featureless and bumpy faces. The wings of the Angels are wide and thin, drab and almost entirely translucent. Whenever the Angel of Dust touches a creature, its very body slowly ages and dissipates, turning to dust itself, its skin flaking off and clothing falling to pieces. The creature may make a MAGIC save to resist the effect and simply lose a limb and whatever gear was held in it or worn on it, but if they fail they die slowly from being turned to dust. The Angel of Dust, though a level 8 elemental spirit, only has 1 hit die.

Pain
Material: Pain
Level: 9
A pure manifestation of pain which can only be summoned forth instantaneously when the pain is experienced. It is a ball of spikes, a mix of larger thorns and more miniscule needles, all growing on a red sphere. The very presence of Pain causes anguish and suffering in those around it, making all in its immediate vicinity roll all rolls twice, taking the worse result, due to the intense pain. Touching the Pain deals 2d10 damage, with only a PARALYSIS save possible to avoid also being paralyzed from pain and unable to move.

Hellbender
Material: Lava or Magma
Level: 3
The Hellbender is a giant magma salamander, an amphibian of immense proportions found in volcanoes and lava streams. They are most notable for their tiny volcano eyes, able to launch burning hot balls of melted stone like a cannon. Hellbenders can attack twice in a round, either 2 bite attacks, 2 launches of the volcano cannon, or some combination thereof. Their bites deal 1d8 damage, and their lava attack deals 1d10 damage each. The POISON, PARALYSIS, and DEVICE saves of the Hellbender are all 15, while the DODGE save is only 9.

Crown of Crowns
Material: Gold and Jewels
Level: 4
The Crown of Crowns is a being made of coins and jewels and ancient heirlooms, an elemental of treasure, with an impressive crown of glittering silver atop its head. The Crown of Crowns wears a purple robe made from a tapestry, and has three arms of gold, each armed with a weapon. This golden elemental can attack three times in a round, dealing 1d6 damage with each attack. It takes half damage from all physical attacks, and has +2 to all saves. However, elemental attacks of all kinds, whether fire or ice or poison or rust, deal double damage to them. They have Armor 2. Every hit point of the Crown of Crowns is equal to one gold piece (or silver piece if using a silver standard), but for every hit point the sorcerer removes from the Crown for the purposes of spending, they get a -1 to their next spellcasting roll.

SPELLCASTING

spellcasting in the world with no name comes in lots of flavors. most things that would be called "spellcasting" are actually powers that are different from spellcasting. these include powerful mutations, innate abilities, and supernatural powers gifted by deities. they are set powers, rather than the more fluid abilities present in the casting of spells.

the main types of spellcasting are used by wizards and by the geothermal priests of the dark elves.

WIZARD SPELLCASTING
wizards roll on the following 1d30 table at least twice (possibly more if they know more spells) to determine "magic words" with which the wizard can construct their spells. if the wizard rolls the same word twice, reroll.

to cast a spell, the wizard combines as many magic words as they wish (it can also be a single word!), and they (along with the gm) interpret the spell's effect. if they wish to improve the power of the spell, they must spend points of their MAGIC score. to cast the spell, roll 1d20 + magic points allocated +/- any situational modifiers. if it is 10 or above, the spell goes off without a hitch. if it is 20 or above, it goes off REALLY WELL. if its below 10, the spell fails and something bad happens.

MAGIC WORDS

1. Fire
2. Cold
3. Ball
4. Force
5. Unseen
6. Servant
7. Faerie
8. Slime
9. Flesh
10. Baby
11. Bolt
12. Dark
13. Eyeball
14. Spider
15. Poison
16. Summon
17. Monster
18. Knife
19. Bullet
20. Bite
21. Magma
22. Death
23. Undead
24. Animate
25. Object
26. Bone
27. Blood
28. Water
29. Air
30. Laser

GEOTHERMAL PRIEST MIRACLE USE

the geothermal priests of the dark elves know how to cast spells from a set list of miracles that are sanctioned by the priesthood. the use of these geothermal miracles follows the same dice rules as above, but using the COSMOS score rather than MAGIC. the priest can improvise new spells using the words in the names of the spell, but this is incredibly discouraged.

3 Weird Wizard Whatsits

Magic is really weird and inconsistent. That's the only thing consistent about it. So here's some strange stuff involving sorcerers (also maybe clerics).

Random Magical Mishaps
Sometimes something bad happens when a wizard is around. Maybe their spell misfired, or you disrupted their weird arcane dreams, or the fabric of space-time or occult hoo-ha is just weird and broken when they are around. Whatever the reason, simply roll 1d30 on the following table.
Magical Mishaps

1. Everybody switches teeth (they fall out and are replaced by the teeth of one other creature)
2. A flash of light of some bright color (usually purple or orange) blinds everyone in the vicinity
3. Someone is replaced by a shape-shifter (50% chance of not having knowledge of being a shape-shifter)
4. The room smells disgusting. It has become filled with the powerful pheromone of some random monster, and there is a high chance that large amounts of that monster will appear.
5. Someone loses their voice. They regain it after a few days, but cannot speak in any languages they knew originally ever again. They can still read those languages.
6. The wizard's spellbook grows legs or wings or a foot and crawls/flies/hops away (if they are a natural magic-user (such as an elf or sorcerer), then one of their organs does this (90% chance of being non-vital)
7. One random spell known by the wizard occurs, but at double effect
8. Someone vomits up a black slug and loses all memories except for basic knowledge (such as how to speak and write). If someone eats the slug, they gain all of that person's memories.
9. A mouth appears in the air, demanding it be fed. You must either feed it 1d4 magic items or 4d6x10 sp (or gp is using gold standard) worth of items or coinage
10. The area becomes overrun with ants
11. One random spell known by the wizard occurs, but at double effect
12. Someone dies. A baby version of themselves crawls out of the corpse, with lesser physical capabilities but identical mental capabilities
13. Any unintelligent animals in the area become intelligent
14. Something crawls out of space-time, in addition to the spell. Generate a random monster (the LotFP summon spell is pretty good)
15. Anything that is a specific color stops existing, and never has. Only the party knows that it ever existed (alternatively, only the wizard)
16. One random creature around gets the ability to cast one of the wizard's spells once per day. The wizard loses it
17. Lightning strikes (even if indoors or underground). The wizard has been split in two, but will regenerate into two new identical wizards in a few days
18. All clothing in the area becomes mobile and sentient
19. The area is now an opposite magic area. All magical effects have the opposite effect now
20. All of your food spoils. You can still eat it, but it tastes horrible
21. One random town or settlement nearby becomes a ghost-town. People will talk about things that happened there as if they were ages ago
22. Someone's hand falls off and crawls away
23. The next time you go to sleep, a huge rainbow centipede will crawl from the nearest window. It is your servant, but only while you cannot see it
24. The sun stops rising
25. You are all teleported to somewhere random (alternatively, only one person is teleported, or everyone is teleported somewhere different)
26. Game jumps ahead to d10 hours from now. You will have no memory, but stuff will still have happened (players have done stuff, but they do not remember it)
27. It rains some unnatural fluid (usually blood or bile, sometimes tears, sometimes something really weird)
28. Someone begins to turn into a tree
29. Whatever spell you tried to cast, or the last spell that you casted, now does not exist at all. Only a few people, such as fourth-wall breakers or certain gods will be able to cast it.
30. Some powerful demon appears. It is your servant, but it hates you and is always trying to kill you

The Failed Wizard

A magic-using class for Lamentations of the Flame Princess

Hit Dice: d4

Attack Bonus: 1/2 level, rounded down

Saving Throws: as Magic-User

Experience to Level 2: 2,200

This is a class that uses and abuses the magical mishap table above. They are those students of the arcane arts that never quite got it, or didn't study enough, or didn't get enough sleep. They can't cast spells per se, but they are almost able to.

Failed Wizards have the following class features:

• Beginning at level 1, you can roll on the magical mishaps table, or any other magical mishaps table, once per day. Every level, the number of times you can roll on the table increases by 1.
• At level 1, you roll 1d4 on the table. At levels 3, 5, 7, 9, etc., you can increase the die size used by 1 (d4 to d6, d6 to d8, d8 to d10, d10 to d12, d12 to d14, etc.)
• Alternatively, you can learn a spell of a level that an MU of a level 4 levels below yours can know (level 1 at level 5, level 2 at level 7, level 3 at level 9, etc.) The number of times these can be cast is always static, remaining at one per day.
• If you wish, you can apply your level to the magical mishap roll.
• Failed Wizards do not use material components for spells, and are always considered natural magic-users

This class is probably very unbalanced, simply because the magical mishap table is very unbalanced, but who cares? If you like very balanced and ordered classes, do not use this class.

The Witch Watcher

An anti-wizard monster made by wizards, to catch wizards

HD: 1-1

AC: 18 (can only be attacked by non-magical weapons)

Attacks: 0

Damage: n/a

Movement: 100'

Intellect: 8-15

Morale: 12

Witch watchers are floating monstrosities created by royal magicians to assist in the witch hunts done by knights. They will be usually be found in the company of knights, but there are plenty who have become lost and wander the wilderness. They look like huge floating jellyfish, but they are always decked out with strong silver armor, decorated with leering faces and anti-magic sigils. If a witch watcher is ever found without its armor, then its AC is 13 and it can be effected by magic and magical weapons. When a witch watcher sees someone or something that has used magic of any sort within the last week, it will float to them and issue forth loud noises that sound like screams, alerting any knights in the vicinity. They do detect clerical miracles, and so licenses are issued to priests so as to not be imprisoned. If they are without a knight, then monsters in the vicinity will be alerted. Any magic used in their presence fizzles away (MU spells are automatically replaced with magical mishaps, and clerical miracles are made at -6 penalty).